I distinctly remember the first time I watched ‘Sex and the City’ where I was, who I watched it with and what we were doing. It was in my hood apartment in Brooklyn, with my roommate smoking blunts before we went out for the night and popped some Ecstasy/MDMA right after the episode ended. This was right before living in Brooklyn was cool and my last year of studies at Parsons School of Design. The Netflix Reboot of ‘Sex and the City’—As a Mature Woman What I Think of the Series Now keep reading.
Netflix Reboot of ‘Sex and the City’
Our place was the hangout spot on Sunday. House rules, no shoes, no phone calls, bring your favourite drink and something to smoke. We would put on the latest episode and if our boyfriends of the moment came over they knew not to talk.
We wanted to live as they did and dress like our favourite characters. Even if we had to borrow, steal, use a credit card that might not be ours or not pay rent, like Carrie. However, all of that is another story let’s get back to dissing the Netflix Reboot of ‘Sex and the City’ and what I think now.
Recently, now that I live in Paris I have binge-watched it until the sun came up the next morning. At the time, I hadn’t seen any other shows like it, especially anything centred around women in their 30s and 40s. The age group of my friends and I know. We used to talk about what characters related to us. Back then I was Carrie even though my name was Charlotte and I lived a Carrie life ever since I started this blog, moved around the world, and prefer to buy shoes that pay bills. However, now I am a cross between Carrie and Samantha, meow.
It seemed so fresh, so unguarded, and so real. I recall thinking how much older and wiser the characters were, and that I could learn a lot from them. And learn from them I did. Whether it’s a good or bad thing, much of my early sexual education probably stemmed from Sex and the City. Now that I’m closer to the age the characters were when the series began, my perspective has shifted. Rewatching the show is like getting into a time machine and getting a cold blast of reality, all at once. Who knew the reality of mature seasoned women who love fashion had not changed in 20+ years? The only thing that has changed is the cost of living.
It’s Hard to Compute
Sex and the City premiered in 1998, exactly 26 years ago, before the iPhone, before social media, before dating apps, and in the same year that Google became a company. There are many episodes in which the characters, especially Carrie, struggle to learn new technology. In a current age where most of the shows we consume contain a reference to social media and shots of characters texting, swiping, and video chatting, it’s nice to journey back into a world where none of that existed. Image a time when you had to go out to meet someone.
It’s even harder to spot the relevant themes that still apply to modern dating. In the iconic moment where Carrie is broken up with by Berger through a Post-It note, it almost felt cute compared to being ghosted with via text message or dating app, but the sentiment was the same. Once my brain adjusted to the change in technology, I began to realize that no matter the vessel or the method, dating and breaking up have always been awkward. I broke up with my long-time Sex & the City Love over the phone while at my corporate job, two days before getting fired.
The Old Quotes Speak New Truth
In an episode in which all four friends are single, Samantha states: “We’re all alone, even when we’re with them.” Thinking about this quote too much could potentially send you into an existential frenzy. Samantha says this in response to Charlotte, who is complaining about being alone (as Charlotte does many, many times throughout the series).
I don’t even remember the quote from before, but now it makes perfect sense. Its meaning lands somewhere between realism and harsh independence, conveying that the most consistent relationship we will ever have is the one with ourselves. Feeling alone doesn’t necessarily change just because we’re dating or surrounded by people. And perhaps most importantly, being alone is not something to be afraid of.
…SIC Lines Are Now Iconic Cringes
Contrast Samantha’s quote with Charlotte’s well-known line in another episode: “I’ve been dating since I was 15. I’m exhausted. Where is he?” While I didn’t pay any mind to this quote before, it now makes me break out in hives. As I sit and write this piece divorced and attempting to manifest my twin flame who knew I would share more than a name with, I to had fertility issues and am slowly ageing out of having children of my own and age-appropriate lovers.
Charlotte is perhaps the hardest character for me which I share the name to get on board with now. I no longer think life is about finding “the one” and it horrifies me that this was Charlotte’s main goal and plotline. I was relieved to notice, however, that we do see Charlotte grow out of this in a small way. It was she who later suggests that she and her friends could all be soulmates, instead of trying to find that feeling with the people they date. This I can get on board with.
Samantha Is More Relatable
When the show premiered, there was a huge media focus on the archetypes of each of the main characters, placing each person into a box, and thus asking other women to do so as well. I am now not a lover of this checkbox way of defining people. Samantha, while seen as the older unconventional friend at the time, is the character I relate to the most now. I am the older sister you never had giving mature advice and living life to the fullest and saucier.
She was defined as the “single sex-crazed” vixen of the day, but she’s so much more than that. Samantha is around 40 years old in the first season. When I watched the show originally, it was an age that I couldn’t even fathom, and now I have become her. Looking for love in all the wrong places. When deep down all I want is true love.
But there is still something about Samantha’s independence and fearlessness that inspires me. The way she lives her life prioritizing her career, walking into every situation with confidence, not being afraid to ask for what she wants, and assuredly exiting a relationship that’s not benefiting her is today’s definition of living your best life. Much of her confidence came from hard-earned life experience, which I had yet to go through myself. Now I know that Samantha is not an archetype or a stereotype, but instead defies these notions altogether.
The Love Interests Are Still Not My Fave
I never felt that any of the main love interests in the show were exciting or that cute. Rewatching, I have gotten stressed when it seemed like the main characters in the show were settling. One thing I tell my younger girlfriends is not to settle. I saw my aunt do this. All she wanted was love and marriage. She got the Rich Dr but died without the ring and baby carriage. My advice to women is not to follow in her footsteps or mine by letting a man steal your youth.
Also, is it just me or does Aiden whisper-talk too much? That is neither here nor there, but I couldn’t unhear it once I noticed it. I also loved the appeal of Mr. Big but hated his unavailability. One thing that has not changed about men is they needed therapy and still do now.
Yet my favourite love interest in the series is Smith, and not just because he has beautiful blue eyes. The love between him and Samantha was the most authentic. Even for her to believe that at her age she was still desirable.
Perhaps liking Smith says more about how much I love and relate to Samantha now. After surviving a coma I wished I had the support he gave to live her life, especially when she was going through her cancer treatment. The head-shaving scene still sticks in my head as a sweet moment. Aside from a few exceptions, all the older men seemed so set in their ways (looking at you, Berger) and patriarchal even when I first watched the show, and they still do to me now. Overall, I’d take a brunch scene between the main characters any day over another breakup scene with Big. Women need to see the red flags with men like this.
Is Being Single Is Fabulous Today
It’s no surprise that there is a love-hate relationship throughout the entire series with being single, and each character goes through their moments with it. They talk about it a lot. Pretty much every episode. While most of the scenes don’t pass the Bechdel Test, they sure do cover almost every topic imaginable when it comes to single life, married life, and everything in between. The sad thing is we are all still having the same conversations.
Just the other day, I had to smack a brother in the head and give him tips on how to win a girl friend back. I said ” How many times do you meet a smart, sexy intelligent women? I have loads of male friends who believe they don’t deserve love or a good woman.
Perhaps one of the most iconic episodes is one in which Carrie is featured in a New Yorker article that’s supposed to be titled “Single and Fabulous!” but ends up being called “Single and Fabulous?” One of my favourite lines is Carrie saying to her friends, “That question mark is hostile.” I agree.
It’s a great turning point in the show, in which the ladies, even Samantha, all question if it is fabulous to be single. I couldn’t help but wonder (it had to be done at least once) if this plotline is relevant today. Haven’t we evolved beyond shaming people for being single? And then I realized, the show is still going on now (the And Just Like That… reboot) and yes, it’s still a plotline and a reality in current society.
Age Is Just a Number, But Not Really
Age comes into play quite a bit throughout the series, which I appreciate now. I love that we get to see these characters through a decade. There is a melancholy episode where Carrie has a birthday party, and no one shows up because of various transportation issues, work, and location mix-ups. Carrie walks home with her cake, drops it, and accidentally steps into a construction site. It was lonely and sad and made me fear ageing at the time. However now I relate, after spending my last birthday dressed up and alone. My birthday present was being able to pay my rent as a freelancer in 2024.
The truth is, as we get older, we do think about age a lot more. And our friends do get a lot busier. Today, this episode is so much more relatable than it was when I was making my way in New York City as a young women. The logistics of friends coming to my birthday party didn’t concern me at all because back then some of us ate, some of us drank and some of us dropped Ecstasy/MDMA pills.
Now, watching the show where I am at the age of the characters that once seemed so much older is the ultimate reality check. Age is just a number, but it’s also something to pay attention to. With it comes change, and that’s scary, but aren’t we all lucky to keep getting older? As well as learning from past mistakes, which is still hard for me.
Carrie’s NYC Life Is Expensive
When I was younger, I thought Sex and the City was a good representation of living in New York City. It was a daily hustle at her age and mine at the time. I knew that most of Carrie’s NYC life was real, and if you could make it in New York you could make it anywhere. I love NYC so much, walking or running in heels is what we New York girlies do best. We also rarely see the characters take the subway, and for now, what I have heard is true. New York has returned to the era of down these mean streets. I would rather jump over dog shit in Paris or jet off to Dubai then return to Sex in the City where many men still chase models.
Throw in unrealistic rent prices, the overall wealth the characters seem to have, and the lack of representation across many arenas, and the NYC we see in the show isn’t remotely recognizable to the NYC I, and many others lived and breathed. The reboot series And Just Like That attempts to address this, but still holds on to the wealthy fantasy and fashion that is integral to the lives of most of the main characters. Yet, girls gotta dream and manifest, right?
However, I would adore a series more updated version of Sex In the City with a cast that is more relatable to the dwellers of New York. The landscape might of changed, yet finding Love and Sex in the City is hard out here for a Pimp in any city. Another lesson learned is no more build a bears ladies even though Skipper was cute. What do you think?
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Photo credit: HBO
