Motherhood And Marriage – How To Combine These Two And Not Fail

by Gosia Krajewski
Stokke Xplory®

You’ve been running around your kid for good part of the day, cooked delicious lunch and of course made a house look spotless. Or perhaps you were at work 9-5 picked up your little one from nursery or school, run home to prepare a dinner for the whole family. That makes you a perfect mama right?

And then your partner comes from work, you enjoy a meal together, you put children to bed and…you are so knackered you are ready to go to bed yourself. Well that doesn’t make you a perfect wife at all! In your hubby’s eyes you are supposed to be dressed in nothing else but sexy lingerie and ready for sex for at least half of the night…and ideally making breakfast for the whole family the next morning before everyone gets up. The expectations are high don’t you think? So is it even possible to be a perfect mum and and perfect wife?

Marriage vs motherhood balance?

Everyone seems to be talking about work-life balance. What about marriage vs motherhood balance? If we are too devoted to our children we are perceived as careless wives and accused of husband’s cheating. If we put a lot of attention to our relationships, we are bad mothers. How can we make it work so our family life is well balanced?
I hate the perception that everything has to be BALANCED! In real life there is no such thing. You cannot be good at everything. But you can certainly try.

In my case, I make a point to my husband that if he wants an intimate evening with his woman (that’s still me!) he has to take care of the evening routine so I can relax, have a bath and if by that point I don’t fall asleep in the bathtub I will be ready in the bedroom when our house finally gets quiet. It’s about mutual respect.

My children AND my husband

I love my children but I also love my husband. I cannot say that I love them equally. It’s completely different kind of love. It cannot be compared in anyway. Before my child was born, there were just the two of us. We treated each other with respect and really enjoyed spending time together. That’s why we got married. So why on earth would you just focus on children when they come, and ignore your and your other half’s needs. But it’s about communicating those needs everyday.

Relationship goals

And if we are both really tired of being parents (yes that state is also acceptable despite general opinion of the society) we just drop Matylda off to grandparents or hire a nanny for the evening so we can just focus on keeping that fire burning.
I hear very often from other mothers that once you become mum, nothing else matters and that children are our life! Ok I don’t judge them, and if they feel like it, it’s their choice. But once you realise that you are also a woman and wife, you might not have a husband to support you. It’s about communication which we very often forget.

It is really OK to ask for help so you can enjoy some me time or some husband-wife time. Because that’s how you became a mum in the first place…

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